Friday, January 20, 2012

Bring me to the sea at dusk.

Bring me to the sea at dusk

Let the sound of the waves drown the silent screams inside my heart

Let the colour of the sky blanket me in calm

Let the last rays of the sun bathe me in warmth

Let the waves wash away my dirt

Let the bubbles and foam uplift my soul

Let the wind blow my troubles away

Let the shape of the clouds take my eyes afar

Let the speckles of light dust me in their glitter

Let the smell of the air rush through my nose and rid me of smoke and choke

Let the darkness slowly overtake the light in a peaceful rhythm

Let the beauty of the Divine overwhelm me

O bring me to the sea

and let me be.

I wrote this while watching the sunset on youtube here, and listening to the evocative music playlist here. Click on the links if you want to feel what I felt. I miss the sea.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A little piece of sky.

If I'm away too long from nature, I get emotionally 'sick'. I need regular doses of un-manmade things. I need to look at big trees, clear skies, clouds, starry nights, sunsets, full moonlight, bodies of water and animals to stay sane. Do you?

Living in the city, even one like Shah Alam, I am deprived of many these very things that bring me happiness. On the 11th floor of an apartment that is ironically known as Riverview, my window looks out to the other apartment block and only allows about 20% view of the sky because MSU built a bloody building that covers what little is left of what can be seen from my window.

In order to survive, we have to improvise. My obsessive need for a glimpse of pleasure drives me to go to great lengths. Lying on the bed, I hang my head off the edge, as close as I can to the floor, to block out any human structures out of view. With my hands over my head, supporting my body from sliding to the floor, I do a Yoga-esque balance just to look at the sky.

But it was worth it. For one moment in time, I get to pretend I'm flying with the cottony clouds underneath me. I feel peace, albeit for just a while.

This is what it looks like lying upside down.

Last weekend, my parents, my younger sister Nani took a drive to Gopeng, Perak. We wanted to check out the school which she will be teaching at, starting the next day and years to come. She just got her posting as a French teacher there. We rarely drive up north, so I must say I'm pretty envious of the scenery. Just the day before, I was telling my sister, I wanted to see clear blue skies, streams, waterfalls, caves, mountains, animals, the sunset and a starry night sky. I got to see ALL of them on that stretch of highway.

The drive was only like less than 2 hours to reach the school. And the school, atop a hill, has a magnificent view of Banjaran Titiwangsa complete with ponds and flying birds. The school building is even reminisce of Enid Blyton's Malory Towers or Hogwarts. A square building with 4 'towers' and a courtyard in the middle.

The drive back, it was getting dark, and we a got a short glimpse of the fiery orange colour burst of dusk amidst trees and limestone rocks. Slowly the orange fades away to purple with ribbons of blue , red and all the colours available in God's palette, getting ready to draw night's dark velvet curtain.

Against the ink black backdrop, millions of twinkling bright lights scatter, some stars brighter than the others. Forming invisible paths playing join the dots with your eyes. I tried to squash my face against the window to get a better view, but my neck was starting to hurt. The soft pale glow of the moon, blue against my hands, casting playful shadows on my clothes. Amazing how the moon only just reflects the light from the sun without any light of its own, yet it still has this much light. Thank God, the Exora's windows are huge, so there's more surface for viewing.

Looking at nature, how perfectly beautiful it is, as it always is, Masya Allah. God is the greatest.

Friday, January 13, 2012

God, please help me.

I find it curiously amusing that when I look at the stats on my blog, this is what i found;

So there are a number of people on this planet who searched these words on the internet and found my blog. These statistics are for 'all time' since my blog started in 2005. As you can very well see, half of the keywords that led to my blog are along the lines of "God, please help me."

No, I am not surprised at the fact that there are people who type that in their browsers. In fact, I may have done so myself. What piques my interest, however, is I was wondering what did they find when they click on the link

Did they find what they were looking for? And a part of me is even worried that my writing might have misled them. I tried Googling the same exact keywords but my blog did not turn up in the results, maybe they were using a different browser or search engine. I am particularly interested in which entry of mine turned up as a result, but I didn't get it, my blog didn't come up at all in Google.

When I started this blog, it was merely a space for me to pen my thoughts as sort of a journal or diary. Writing helps calm me, a catharsis of sorts. It helps me deal with a lot of things, it clears my mind, sometimes even 'pujuk' me at times, but mostly its a way for me to wander inside my own imagination. I never expected to have an audience, let alone a following.

But my blog has done more than what I meant it to be. I found that my writing 'finds' people. Loved ones who had been lost for years, people who were strangers before and now are good friends, even people who are just wandering are connected by this little space. And that connection is what amazes me.

I hope, whoever comes across my blog, whether accidentally or on purpose, is touched in a good way by what they find here. I never meant to hurt anyone nor to lead them astray, my words are not religion, they are merely expressions of my thoughts and feelings. As I am only human, I am bound by flaws and mistakes.

So if you happen to type "God, please help me" in your search and happen to be directed to my blog, I wish to say to you;

Hello there friend, do not despair. HE will help you. For He is Most Gracious Most Merciful. Just be patient. There is nothing more worthy than His love and remember, we will all return unto Him. To serve Him is all that matters, nothing else. If you believe truly that there is none greater, than everything else is small in comparison. God bless.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

My Colour Purple.

The colour purple reminds me of

sleeping underneath the moonlight

reading a book by the window with the rain on the window pane

watching a sunset by the beach

soothing acoustic songs by Mia Palencia

the early hours of the morning when everything is quiet and still

the smell of trees after the rain

when I open the window at night and the wind gently blows into my face

magical escapades to secret places

exotic flowers that smell heavenly

wrapped up in a cosy warm blanket

soft velvet cushions and drapes

an intricate golden mirror
the stars in the sky on a clear, quiet night

sitting on a rooftop and breathing slowly

lying on the grass and watching the starry night sky

the sound of waves by the sea

my feet sinking into wet sand

the clouds on a grey sky

candlelit conversations

holding hands in the dark

watching fireworks on the balcony

a mountaintop view of the lit up city at night

the reflection of the full moon on the surface of the ocean

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

3 Questions

I'm in the midst of reading Gisele Scanlon's The Goddess Experience. My adik tersayang, Nani gave it to me. Its thoroughly enjoyable for me because it sounds like something I would write or say, haha. To me, its a blog in book form about basically anything that she would like to talk about. What I would like to share however, are the 3 questions that she goes around asking people she meets.

1) What makes you happy?
Beauty. I love beauty in all its forms, be it people or things or places or experiences. Of course, the notion of beauty in my eye probably differs from other people. For instance, today, my colourful folders on my desk at the office brings me joy. On some other days, the colour of the blue sky makes my day.

2) What is luxury to you?
Silence. Its rare and very valuable. Peace and quiet allows me to indulge in things I love uninterrupted. Oh, and nature. Being close to nature is a luxury. Even looking at sunrise or a full moon or even a clear sky is something to rejoice in, because luxury to me is something that is not exactly a need but I want it, I want it, I want it.

3) What would you buy if you had a million bucks?
I like that she phrased the question that she used the word 'buy'. Because it basically means material, and it is so you do not feel guilty for not answering charity or an answer that would actually mean 'good deed'. Because the question really asks you 'so what do you want?' without judgement, because all humans have 'wants' apart from needs and since what others think are so imperial, we would answer the question with the 'right' answer instead of what we really would have. Maybe.

Well, I would buy my dream house. A beautiful house. Materialistically, I want to own a beautiful piece of property that I would call home. Yes that would be it. Although, being human, a million would hardly be enough for a house.

Why did I write this piece? its a very self centered one I know. I love to ask questions, I can find out a lot about a person and find out new things. But at times I also liked to be asked. And since nobody else is interested to know about me, I ask these to myself. Because when people are worrying about the world ending in 2012, I like to enjoy the world for what it is - worldly.