And we have arrived at the bridge.
Audrey is going to be 2 years old in November. I quit my job so I could take care of her. Being a micropreemie, she needed special attention. So far, things are going well, she has grown up to be a very spunky lil girl with minor health issues.
So yeah, that bridge.
Should I return to the world of academia and start teaching again? I am still teaching part time anyway, which I find quite suitable time wise but I'm slightly weary with the attitude of the students. Maybe I should look for a new institution? Just to give me a kick in the hind and re'ignite'. It is a 'safe' path in terms of familiarity and that I'm actually good at it. Just a bit uninspired at the thought of going back to the beginning and starting everything all over again. Because at the end of my last teaching gig, I was becoming very unhappy. I kept thinking I want to quit, this is not what I want to do.
Then there's the other path. Dangerous. Treacherous. But it goes where my heart wants to really. I feel like I have to go there. The outcome is not really in my odds according to EVERYONE ELSE.
But I don't know. I think, I feel like I would be happy there. Because it is how I imagined my life would be and someone somewhere told me to never give up on that.
I want to be home and do the things I love. That's just it really.
I want us, my husband and I to be able to work on objects and projects that we both love and enjoy. And work from a studio at home or nearby where we can have our kids with us. We want to work with little things of joy. We want to work with toys.
Yes, that is our dream. To research, plan, design, build, make, modify, refurbish, manufacture, package, sell, whatever it is to do with... TOYS.
Maybe my interest was lead by my husband, you might say, I'm just following his fancy. But as far as I can remember, I have always loved designing and making things. I love looking for and coming up with ideas and concepts and see them come to life. Advertising was my medium for a while then graphic design became an outlet.
Aesthetic creativity and knowledge is my passion, it is what drives me and keeps me alive. It just manifests itself in different forms. Writing is what comes natural as an expression, a tool.
I constantly need new ways to express this 'thing' inside of me. And I find that designing and making spaces is very fullfilling. So for me, dioramas and roomboxes are what keeps my brain moving and my heart uplift with joy.
Should something that is considered a hobby or craft be a worthwhile pursuit? Will it pay the bills? Will it feed us?
I have no idea. But I only know that 'rezeki' is from God and He is The One that Provides.
This life is short and merely a journey. To spend it not doing what you love and what makes you happy, is quite a waste and definitely not a good way to live.
Provided that I am Guided in what I do, I only have hope and faith that everything will be alright. If and when He wills it.
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