So many things to talk about and i have not a single thing to say. People dying, floods, political turmoil, incompetent leaders, poor education system, flawed humans, the closeness of kiamat, gays, lesbians, Britney, crimes.............
Just so many things to have opinions on, and all i can think about at the moment is I'm hungry and bored out of my mind.
And I'm too lazy to do anything. Even blog.
uugh, the kobis thing is happening again. it happened in 2002, 2003, it happened in 1998. Its when you just get stuck doing meaningless things again and again, and your brain just stops working and your will just gives up to pursue anything. It is a very weak state to be in and you find yourself latching on somebody else, anyone you can grab, to help you stabilize or hoping they bring you along with them to a happier state of being. But you know that you have to do it yourself, you have to snap out of it and get it rolling again. You want to but you cant seem to be able to.
I know exactly the things that I'm supposed to do. I know what are the right things to do. But I don't want to.
Mature, responsible adults. We have choices and decisions to make. Every bit of time, for every bit of reason, for everyone and everything, we have to make choices. We never know if its the right decision. We try our best and hope its the right one. The rest, we have to leave it up to God whether he wants to make it happen or not or happen in a different way, whatever. Or if its a mistake for you, a bad choice, you are supposed to 1)be angry and upset for a while 2)Cool off and believe that it all happens for a reason 3)Accept it as fate and that its actually good that it happened somehow 4)Move on to the next decision you have to make and hopes it gets better this time.
What happens if you decide to not choose? That is also a choice. I choose not to decide, I choose not to make a decision, I choose not to choose. Time still revolves however, and though you may think that you got away from making that choice, the choice you made not to choose still counts as a choice, albeit a bad one, and then you have to bear the consequences.
Yes, consequences, reciprocations, another part of the adult human cycle. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Factor against time, you pretty much get how the whole system works. But just because you know how the system works, doesn't mean you know how to work the system.
Ahah! you have to remember, that the system does not only revolve around you. It involves everyone and everything, human, non human, gay, straight, solid, non solid, living, non living.... taking into count that every single one of those factors also have differing factors of their own that influences their decisions and their behaviour and actions. haha, therefore, we're all in this big jumbo web of mess and we're screwed anyway.
Here's an example. Sort of.
I'm hungry. Choices a)cook b)buy c)hunting. I choose not do anything because I'm just too lazy. I choose nothing. Which still counts as a choice, which will make my mum very mad usually because a responsible daughter would have food ready for the whole family, which because my sister nani aka favourite daughter is back frm france, which makes my mum happy happy cheery joy joy, so she didn't get mad, instead bapak brought us all out for dinner and shopping, where my mum bought me a MAC foundation, which was recommended by this guy who works at the counter named Fawzy which i later found out through Yahoo Answers is the wrong kind of foundation, which makes my skin oily, which also costs rm115, which is not returnable because i used it once (well, how was i to know its really wrong for me unless i try it?), which makes me pissed, which makes me clean the house, which i can't stop....
okay, that' not a good example, here's another one...
Taman Melawati,1999, after SPM, my Dad wont let me work, instead i stayed home and clean the house and do the laundry, which makes me open the balcony door to pick up the clothes, then i couldn't close it back because my hands were full, which enabled this lunatic to enter the house who hit me on my head many times with a helmet, which caused me to be hospitalised with fractured skull, which freaked the hell out of my parents, who decided we had to move to Rawang pronto, which made us live in this hell hole, which made my elder sister leave her kids here, which drives my parents mad, which drives the rest of us insane because nobody lives here, non of any of our friends live anywhere near here, which menyusahkan all of us to stay in touch with the rest of the world, plus the people here sucks, we can die of boredom and loathsome because we all become cabbages because the mentality of the people here are just, well, stupid, and the schools here are not great like SRK Subang Jaya 1 under Mr G. Jeyahrahman (he is a great man i'll write about him next) which makes my nephews and niece not get a good education and they grow up to think like the rest of Rawang people who just love to make everything so 'chekai' and dont seem to want to better themselves, and we're stuck in this rut till God knows when coz my parents are old.......... "Rawangnization" - the process of which you become stupid and do stupid things. You become stupid, bored and lazy.
I don't exactly know how to explain what all of this has got to do about choices that we make...
But if I had decided to work after SPM, a lot things would have been different for me, for all of us. And that day which I got assaulted which made us all wind up here i Rawang...had it not happen, the bad things happening to all of us since we stayed here probably wouldn't have happened maybe? By bad things, i mean serious stuff that affects all of us, which i cant mention here because it involves a lot of family stuff.
A lot of problems my family is facing right now has to do with the fact that we live in Rawang. But i must believe that everything has a reason. God has a way of doing things. Bad things happening to some people, enable good things to happen to others.
A boy plays with a ball. It rolls onto the road, the boy chases after it, a car swerves to avoid him and hits another car. The driver dies in the collision. One dies, so the other can live. They are total strangers with absolutely nothing in common. But one moment of fate, of choice, choose to run after the ball, choose to swerve, resulted in an outcome which greatly affect not just them, but many others. The driver's family. The other car. The boy. The passerby who witnessed it.
We are all connected to one another whether we know it or not. Every choice we make or don't make affects the way the world works. So remember this, try to make good choices, and the rest.... just believe.
irin2: okay i guess. with a tad bit of sadness hanging in the background.
irin1: Where have you been? You havent posted anything for some time...
irin2: I've been on a journey and my writings have become too personal to be shared here.
irin1: Hardly any1 reads the stuff you write...
irin2: Still, i've been angry and you say stuff you dont mean when ur angry. Putting it on the net just adds fuel to fire. And there are the conversations with God that i'd rather not share with others. yeah i do sensor myself..
irin1: you mentioned a journey, what journey were you on?
irin2: asking questions about a lot of things, coming to conclusions and making decisions .... y'know, life stuff..
irin1: sounds heavy
irin2: Well yeah, its kinda personal.
irin1: ape sbenarnye yang kau nak cakap kat sini? Aku ingat kau ada banyak benda nk ckp, i'm still nt seeing any points...
irin2: Entahla, aku rase I'm nt good at this anymore..
dreamer, bad driver, hungry, sleepy, crazy in love, can't draw,
can't play music, can't fly, wish I could fly, can't cook,
secretly wish to be a rock chick, a sucker for quirky colourful
cute but useless stuffs, water baby, moonlight freak,
really really want to fly........