Sometimes my awkwardness in crowds can be misinterpreted as aloofness. People might even think I'm cold. Indifferent even.
When I see a crowd, I withdraw. Sometimes I just wander off into my own world.
I find that I am becoming more introvert and quiet. I just have nothing much to say anymore. Or I question whether it is worth saying.
It is contradictory. I do want to matter and sometimes I need the attention. Stupidly, I even get jealous.
But I just feel weird and out of place. Jutting out. Then I freeze. Then I get nervous. And I just want to leave and look for the comfort and warmth of familiarity.
A crab. Retreating back into its hard shell. Protecting its soft insides.
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