Monday, September 12, 2011

Travels in my head: The house that we built.

On this day, where the skies are no longer blue and the air conditioning is still broken, I'm inspired to travel inside my head to escape this reality for a mere moment.

I head to my shop, eager to start the day. I've brought some new samples that I've been making in my studio the past week. Inspired by my last dive in Maldives, my new collection has some 'fishy' elements injected into it. The break was a welcomed one, and nothing refreshes me better than the clear blue azure waters and colourful marine life. I knew I could trust my partner Arina to take care of things while I was gone. I'm blessed with good people.

Boxes, stationery, dolls and miniature furniture. Who would have thought those would belong together happily under one roof? Well they do. In my shop that is. When I first started, I just figured that the ingredients of my shop would be happiness and love. The actual products and services? It was a result of well, happiness and love.

My love for design transcends all disciplines and mediums, I couldn't decide. So in the end, I figured, why not just do everything?

To me, good design makes people happy. That's it.

Having taught graphic design for a while before I started to to go full fledged business woman, helped me meet a lot of people without whom, my shop wouldn't be here today. And this shop, this is what makes me happy. I'm happy when making things that make people happy. I am happy looking for new experiences to get new ideas and inspirations. Great ideas are everywhere, looking for it and knowing how to use it is the fun part. The challenge would be translating it to a design that works. But when it finally comes to life and you see the joy that lights up in people's eyes when they see your design? That is my bliss. It is what beauty in the form of beautiful things, do, give pleasure and delight. And it is definitely delightful.

While I was working on my prototypes, my husband was busy with his. Our studio at the topmost room of the house is even bigger than our bedroom. We spend most of our time there. Play and work are one and the same for us. Alhamdulillah, we are blessed with the ability to work by doing things that we love. My husband with his toys and me, with mine. And the twins have their own space here, Khazana preferring to help her Daddy while Kaizen is my little design protege. All those books and toys we bought for them are also our references so it makes sense to put it all in one big space.

When either or both of us needs a break, we just walk out to the rooftop garden and enjoy the view of the sky reflected on the lake. This was truly a dream house. And the endless supplies of Shaza's bakes and cookies ensure our lasting bevy of comfort food.

The best times are when we have friends and family over. Over the years, we built friendships that hopefully lasts a lifetime, now they have become our family friends and these people, we trust with our lives. They were with us all the way, some of them since school, and some of them, whom Allah has fated to enter our lives and enriched us with their love and camaraderie.

Every time we have a family gathering it is chaotic, because its so hard to get everyone together because they are super busy, that when we finally do get together, we use what little time we have, and make the most of it. It gets a bit crazy at times (in a good way of course). I mean, it is actually a good thing that everyone is busy, it just means that they have lives to get back to. And I know, no matter what, we all love each other, and that's all that matters. And it is during these times at the gatherings in this house, that I prefer to be the quiet one and just stand back to capture that mental image of the joy on our parents faces to see everyone together.

I'm pregnant with our third child, we don't know whether its a girl or a boy yet, so no names have been planned as yet. As I'm touching my growing belly, I am grateful that this child will be born into a household though not perfect, will always be filled with love. As God has shown his bounty in this world for me, I raise my two hands in syukur and hope that He will love us as much if not more in the hereafter as well.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Featured Blog : Abdillah bin Abdillah

A blog by a retired 62 year old in Malaysia sharing his quite uncommon and sometimes extreme views on Malaysia and Malaysians. Sarcastic, funny and thoroughly enjoyable. (No, I'm not saying it because its my Bapak's blog)

I'm enjoying this entry, particularly the last passage. How the banning of Nasi Lemak in schools can lead to a rise in prostitution and how it may become a contraband item like porn or pirated music.... check it out, funny blog!
Obesity and Nasi Lemak by Abdillah bin Abdillah

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I wish I could fix me.

I wish I could fix me.

I'd fix it so that I no longer procrastinate.

I'd fix my tendency to be late.

I'd fix my fear of almost everything.

I'd fix my confidence, my competence.

I'd fix my ability to remember, all the things I always forget.

I'd fix my love for slumber yet not feel upset.

I'd fix my ability to smile so people don't feel distant.

I wish I could fix it all this very instant.

So my I could be better. I just want to be better.

I would fix my communication skills with my Mom,

So that I'll make her feel happier instead of angrier.

I would fix my inability to drive so I never have to depend on anyone to go anywhere,

so I could do everything that I need and want to do.

I would fix my attention span so I could focus and get things done,

instead of wandering away inside my head when I just refuse to face reality.

I'd fix my job so I could earn more and help my family.

I would fix my dreams so they don't interfere when I am awake.

I would fix my clock so its still fine for me to have kids.

I would fix my mind, my body, my soul,

like the way a modeller customizes toys

to make me all better, inside and out.

But I wish I didn't feel that I need fixing,

because that just means that I'm damaged,

but I'm not.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Travels inside my head.

On the boardwalk by the sea. The sun's sprinkled sparkles on the gray seas, the light slowly fading in the horizon. Just sliver bits of peach thrown in with yellow tails. Giving my white dress a warm tint to it. A gush of wind brushed my face, sometimes cool, sometimes hot.

Train's Marry Me playing in the background. They had just started to turn on the colorful round paper lanterns that were lulling in the evening breeze. Getting ready for tonight, they were arranging the chairs and making the table cloths look like hot air balloons as they toss it in the air to set them on the tables.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa (Official English Trailer)

In Defence of Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa - The film by KRU Studios.

I thought the movie was awesome.

Why this entry then? Well, I have been hearing heavy criticism on the movie on so many issues, but the worst has to be this, criticism by those who DID NOT EVEN WATCH IT. They condemned the movie, yet they have not even seen it. This can only happen in my country. Sedihnya.

The first thing I did after watching the movie was to look up Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa on the internet. I wanted to know how the movie adaptation was different from the original manuscripts. Sadly then, it had only a short brief entry on the Wikipedia which wasn't helpful, I was frustrated, no one who had knowledge of this manuscript which is under the Akta Warisan Negara had shared any of its contents or discussions online. But this was during the early release of the film.

But yesterday after a heated debate on the film, I felt 'tak puas hati' and decided to look it up again. As of today, there is a new entry in Wikipedia and citing many other resources for information on the original manuscripts. Alhamdulillah, praise be to the person who was willing to share their knowledge with those who seek it.

Now, I urge those who condemn the movie on the basis of its storyline and research, please DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. Before mouthing words of 'criticism' on other people's hardwork and research, I would suggest you do your own reading on the timeline, adaptation and discussions of the Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa manuscripts and even the Roman Empire timeline if you so wish to dispute.

In praise of KRU Studios whom I think are doing an excellent job, they got the people to wonder at the existence of these stories. Before the film came out, I bet most of us won't even bat an eyelash at the Hikayat. Most of us do not know of our own stories, stories of our people and that is what is so sad. We are more familiar with fairytales and superheroes in the mold of what the WEST have portrayed. We teach our children Nursery Rhymes and quiz them on the history of the Egyptians. But what about OUR story? Our history?

There are so many stories of our great lands of our great people that can be an inspiration for our future generations. And as stories often are, they are meant to be appreciated, adapted, enjoyed and even teach us a few things. Cerita Tauladan. Orang Asli Animal tales. We are so hungry for ideas yet we have plenty of untapped resources right in front of our eyes. It is whether we choose to seek those knowledge and embrace them or push them aside and choose the easy way, believe every word Google tells you.

They did not claim to be historically accurate in the movie. But then, tell me, what movie IS? And yet we enjoy them and even worship the grandeur of 300, Clash of the Titans and Alexander by the pure entertainment value that films often are. Heck, we even believe that Giant Robots will invade Earth. But adapt the Garuda into a menacing group of pirates instead of a giant talking bird? "Mana boleh tukar cerita hikayat!", came the response. Even historical documents were written by someone through his/her point of view, so whos to say they were telling us the truth?

If we continue with this attitude of ours to criticize and condemn the effort of our people in trying to do something different, something better, then we will never be able to go beyond expectations. If the government in Japan had told the animators of Gundam that they could not publish such a story because it is impossible to have that technology, than what else can we dream for? There are many ways in which fiction affects technology. A man had dreamed that one day we could go to space, I'm sure many thought he was crazy. Scientists, philosophers and thinkers dare to dream, dare to think of the impossible. It all starts with the imagination.

Movies, films are stories meant to entertain, give pleasure, inspire and move us. The film Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa did just that for me. Maybe it would for you too, or it wouldn't. But you should watch it first and judge it for yourself don't you think?

Here are the links that I would suggest you look into if you are interested in the story of Merong Mahawangsa.







p/s: And for those yang tak tahu... the KRU film actually followed quite close to the original Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa manuscripts. Yes, it was partly a story of an expedition from Rome to China to marry their prince and princess and Merong led the expedition until they were attacked by Garuda, to which they landed where Merong was made King and named the kerajaan Langkasuka which later on grew to Patani, Siam, Kedah and Perak. And this was a time before the coming of Islam which was 10 generations after that. The movie was set in 107 AD.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

A Picture

What I would give, to be lost inside a picture.

To move through colors,

to disappear inside captured moments,

of another pair of eyes.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Our Trip To Singapore : The Tale of Desire, Will and Patience. Part 3.

30th April 2011, 10am-8pm, Universal Studios Singapore.

After helping ourselves to the free breakfast at our hostel and checking out, we took a cab to Universal Studios. At first the cab driver was kind of rude to me, he asked for the address to Universal Studios? What? You are the cab driver lah! So I called my mom, 'the Diplomat'. She did her magic and he agreed to take us there. I know the MRT is efficient, but I just don't want Mak to tire/hurt her legs from walking too much. At first he said that he has to charge extra 6 dollars but Mak addressed him nicely as Mr Lee and made small talk, (How did she know that? -Me . It was on the screen la - Nani) then he somehow 'managed' to find the way to Universal Studios without an address and with no extra 6 dollar charge. Huh? Whatever, we're here already!

While I queued up for the tickets, Nani queued up at the entrance. Nani told Mak to stay with me just in case the cash wasn't enough but then when Mak came to me, I told her to sit somewhere and wait. Thing is, when I reached the counter, the girl said that if I paid using Visa or Mastercard, I could get a 30% discount. Haha funny. How am I supposed to get my mother now? Nevermind, I'll just pay cash. That will be $216 for 3 adults, thank you.

After stuffing our stuffs in a locker, we proceeded to start our adventure. 1st and foremost, get a map. Universal Studios is basically a circle with 7 themed sections. We sat down while Nani ticked the rides she wanted to go. our strategy was to go right because the crowds seem to start on the left. On the New York strip, we watched the Monsters Rock Musical at the Pantages theater, basically a rock concert featuring Frankenstein, Wolfman, Dracula, Mummy and some other monsters. The buildings were all made to look like the facade of Hollywood and New York which was cool, we even took a picture in front of a door that looked like HIMYM set.

Next we went in Steven Spielberg's Light Camera Action, which we were brought into an indoor platform made to look like we're inside a New York harbour. We got to experience how it would be like if we were hit by a level 5 hurricane. Gile best, the platform shook, the water was berombak, the winds got stronger, things started falling, things caught fire, the water was on fire, then the windows came off one by one and we could see the Manhattan skyline with the waves getting higher, a crane came through the roof, by now we were blasted with gale and the heat from the fire was burning, just when I thought it was over, suddenly a big ship blasted right through the wall and headed straight towards us. Gak. It was scary awesome.

Then we went to the Battlestar Galactica section where the two Roller Coasters - Human and Cylon. I don't do rides. I did before, not my kind of thing, so me and Mak waited while Nani rode the Cylon. Nani gila.

Next was The Lost World (Jurassic Park) where we queued up for a ride for almost 2 hours, yet the ride lasted less than a minute, haha. But it was fun, At one point even scary. The brochure said the ride was to enjoy the panoramic scenery so I thought it was a slow ride to ENJOY the scenery. Silly me, it's basically a short hanging roller coaster. Okay. Thank you misleading brochure.

We got some cheesy nachos at one of the stalls. and made our way through the the Egyptian section, we just took some pictures and went through it because by this time we were really hungry so we ate at the 50s style Diner called Mel's near the entrance, so I could show my husband I ate at a diner, heh. The brochure had signs to where the Halal food was which was great, thank you. Meanwhile we left Mak at the diner to rest while we went to watch the street performances. My camera's battery had ran out by this time and the customer service wont let me tumpang their power point even for a while. Sedih.

Next was Waterworld, we sat in the soak zone hoping to get wet, but we didn't get wet. But the stunts were entertaining and the actors interaction with the audience was fun.

After we fed and re-energized, the next stop? FAR FAR AWAY KINGDOM!! woohooo! I love anything to do with Shrek so yeah, ME HAPPY. There was the 4D theatre where we got Donkey's phlegm on our faces, rode in a bumpy carriage with Shrek, had spiders on our legs and water sprayed into our faces. Sweet! Then we watched the live interactive show with Donkey. Interesting technology. Then we went in the souvenir shop, to get our 'potion bottles' juice from the Fairy Godmother potion shop.

We had Ben and Jerrys after, then Mak and Nani went to look for a prayer room while I queued for the Junior Roller Coaster. Keyword JUNIOR. I thought it was a slow ride, you know, for juniors. MISTAKE yet again. The only thing junior about it is, it is short. The sari clad elderly lady beside me was swearing in Hindustani, I think.

They found the prayer room. Well it was a room. A small one used by both male and female, where you take ablution at the restroom elsewhere. So Mak waited while Nani went on the second roller coaster - Human. I waited for Nani. The lines were shorter and she didn't have to queue at all because it was already late evening. When she came out, she wasn't walking properly, she was wobbling. Apparently the sitting roller coaster is scarier that the hanging one. We took a walk by the lake where Nani saw a plug point. "Kak Ina, plug!". We gingerly walked over, pretending to enjoy the scenery while I charge my camera in my bag. Well I asked nicely and I wasn't given just a few minutes, so I had to do it illegally la. I guess they were afraid I might short circuit the whole park and that would be disastrous for those on the roller coasters kan?

It was nightfall, we were tired and I'm sure my mom even more. She was cool enough to tahan for 10 hours in the park and went on all the rides and performances with us save for the roller coasters. Mak, you are SO COOL. Tired, but happy and satisfied, we got some souvenirs and headed out.

We took a $23 cab ride to Kranji where there was a city bus to Johore which we took and when we reached Johore, my eldest brother Abang Win picked us up at JB Sentral, took us to dinner in Stulang Laut then to Aunty Hasnah's house in Kota Tinggi where we stayed for the night. Slept, ate, showered, we slept almost the whole day the next day until after Maghrib, and we went back to KL with my cousin Lydia (Although Nani drove half of the way while she, the co driver, slept through. ) We left Mak with Aunty Hasnah, she was too tired and her 'Malaysian legs' were back on, so she was just starting to feel the pain. She will continue her adventures with Aunty Hasnah and Uncle Yasin to watch the Dilloyd and Ahmad Jais concert at Istana Buday this Friday then she will travel with Abang Erwin to Tioman Island.

I asked for an adventurous experience. I got what I asked for. With $500 Singapore dollars, we survived, all 3 of us on our adventure. I got to spend time with my mother and sister and experience some wonderful times with them and in the process bring us all closer together. I am so blessed. Thank you Mak, you are A.W.E.S.O.M.E, it was crazy but best kan?? Nani, you're a wonderful sister and a great travel companion, you know how much I love you.

Love you both so much for this unforgettable experience. Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.

Amacam, would you want to do it again??

Our Trip To Singapore : The Tale of Desire, Will and Patience. Part 2.

29th April 2011, 7am-12 noon, Tambak Johor - Beach Road - Arab Street.

As we were about to enter Singapore, we saw the KTM train that we were supposed to take slowly chugging by pass us through the bus window.

Anyway the bus ride was smooth and we realized mid way when we were trying to position ourselves to sleep, and accidentally pressed a button, that the chairs were actually massage chairs. Pretty cool stuff. And the staff were very helpful. But the bus smells of cigarette smoke though. But we're in Singapore so everything is jolly well fine.

The Starmart Massage chair seats.

The bus stopped at Beach Road from where we took a cab with the intention of looking for a budget hotel, the driver was very helpful as he waited for us to ask for the available rooms from Hotel 81 (something like Seri Malaysia la) and the one next to it. All fully booked and beyond our budget. As Nani's tummy made a loud grumble in the taxi, we asked the taxi driver to send us somewhere we could eat. He was very kind as to bring us to Arab Street to a Halal restaurant.

Hungry and tired (I couldn't sleep on the bus, too excited I guess), we ate lontong with huge udang and sotong. Only then Nani started to speak like a normal human again and went out off her 'shut down' mode, then she told us she actually panicked since we were at KL Sentral so she 'shut down'. NOTE: In these situations, I'm the one who usually panics and my sister is sort of the level headed cool one. But according to her, at that time, I became the Alpha. Maybe because I was the only one with the money and it made me feel 'powerful' haha... entahla... She said maybe because everyone was sort of ok, she automatically assumed the role of the 'adik kecik and anak bongsu'.

Lontong with udang and sotong

My Mom's role is as the "Pengetua sekolah" so she chats up strangers and gets information from them, which is something I cannot do because of my 'face' that usually gives strangers a feeling like they want to slap me. So she got the restaurant owner to tell us about a budget hostel nearby. Along Jalan Kubor was the ABC backpackers hostel, we went in, enquired, the private rooms were all fully booked. All they had was mixed hostels. My Mum said no. I zikr in my heart, Oh God please help us. I was feeling sorry for my Mum having to walk around so much despite her saying she was okay, bak kata Nani, "Mak has put on her overseas legs".

Then the nice receptionist told us to sit for a while, while she checked whether there were people who canceled their bookings. Few minutes later she called us to tell that there was a dorm available for 4 persons but there was already a girl in the dorm. Syukur, we took our keys, towels and blankets after paying for the room which only costs us 26 Singapore dollar per person. All we needed was a place to rest and refresh before Lion King starts at 2pm. The room was small with 2 double decker beds and lockers with no windows. But it had air conditioning and it was clean and most importantly the toilets and bathrooms were squeaky clean too, it was good enough for us as we only planned to stay for 1 night.

Fed and refreshed, we took a cab to Marina Bay Sands to claim our tickets. It was in a shopping mall so we had time to walk around and shop a bit before the show starts. Mak swiped her Visa for Nani and I and got us new shoes. Hehe. We wanted to go up to the Skypark viewing deck but at 20 Sing dollars per person, we'd rather spend it on food.

LION KING, Marina Bay Sands Theatre, 2pm.

What can I say? The first 5 minutes was already mind blowing! The whole show was spectacular in every way, the songs, the music, the costume, the props... EVERYTHING was magnificent. It was indeed an experience of a lifetime. I have been to many musicals but this was a totally different one of a kind thing. My favorite scene was when Mufasa's 'ghost' came back to tell Simba to assume his title as King. Awesome!!! I can't describe it, I'll put a Youtube link for you to preview but it is not the same as experiencing it live. To watch The Lion King musical was on my bucket list of things to do before I die and it was worth it.

At times I almost fell asleep because of the tiredness and ordeal of the day before, but I was thinking Mak will surely scold me "Dah bayar mahal mahal pastu tido pulak!", so I forced my overdried contact lenses to stay awake. Turns out all 3 of us fell asleep a few times, termasuk Mak. I slept sungguh sungguh during the intermission.

The show ended around 5.30pm. We took a cab to Arab Street, to the Sultan Mosque for the evening prayers and had our dinner at Bushra Cafe along the same street where it is sort of like Jonker Street meets Central Market kinda feel, but the area has a lot of choices for Halal food. We shopped for textiles and shawls at the many textile shops along the street (somewhat like our Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman). Went back to the mosque for the night prayers and returned to the hostel to shower and sleep to get ready for the next day. Where to? Universal Studios!!

Our Trip To Singapore : The Tale of Desire, Will and Patience. Part 1.

27th March 2011, Dining Room, Rawang house.

Me: Nani, Kak Ina nak tgk Lion King!!!
Nani: Dierang taknak datang sini ke ah? Nani tgk yang Frenchnye version, best gile!
Me: Cube try carik on the internet, maybe dierang akan tour sini bila-bila...? I don't care, we are sooo going..

Few secs later...

Nani: Kak Ina! They're showing NOW in Singapore!
Me: What?! JOMMM!!! Book ticket skarang!
Nani: Mak, Mak, jom pegi Singapore tengok Lion King?
Mak: Oh ok.. use my credit card la...
Me & Nani: - YESSSSSSSS!!
Me: Kita nak duduk mane, balik bila, camna?
Mak&Nani: Alaah... kita pegi je dulu, balik tu nanti2la kite pikir, kite gi tgk show tu dulu and see how it goes...

Nani proceeds to purchase our ticket online for the show and the train tickets from KL Sentral to Singapore for 28th April 11pm (night train) so we could catch the Saturday, 29th April 2pm show.

28 April 2011, KTM train platform to Singapore, 11pm (few seconds before train departure)

Eh, why are these people on our beds? Excuse me, may we see your ticket? Because I think this are our bunks....

Stranger: No, these are ours... See? *showing tickets*

I scanned through the ticket, everything was the same except for one thing, THE DATE. Ours showed 29th March 2011. That was a month ago. OMG. My heart pounded. This was our error. Mak screamed to Nani and me, "Get off the train NOW!!!'

We saw the platform attendant, rushed to him, begged him to let us on the train. But the train was full to the brim. Nani went into 'shut down' mode. Mak was almost crying. My heart was gone. It was the last train tonight. We wouldn't make it in time.

The attendant suggested we could take a bus from Bandar Tasik Selatan. But that is so far away! Mak remembered there was a coach bus we could take that was nearer, at the KL KTM station, but we have no way of knowing whether there would be any tickets left. We took a chance, took a cab to KTM KL.

12 midnight. NICE EXPRESS Bus Counter, Old Railway Station, KL.

"Bang, ade tiket tak ke Singapore?"

Nice Staff : Ada, bas bertolak pukul 12.30 nanti, untuk berapa orang ye?

With relief in our hearts we answered "3 orang".

Nice Staff: Oh sorry, kite ade tempat untuk 2 orang je.

Our hearts stopped again. Nani was still in 'shut down' mode, not saying a word. Mak was literally crying this time. Me? I seriously don't know. We begged again for them to let us on the bus, it was the last one, we would share the seats, it didn't matter, as long as we get to Singapore before the show starts, that was it. But they wouldn't let us, it was against regulations. The Nice staff who was very nice suggested we go to Bandar Tasik Selatan. He even contacted the station for us but they didn't pick up.

We rushed down to get a cab to Bandar Tasik Selatan. In the mad rush, my mom tripped on the stairs and fell at the exit door. She fell hard on her knee. Her bad knees. I was stunned. But Mak got up quickly, "Mak ok! I'm ok! Go!". Thank God.

While waiting for a cab, we all stood in silence. Each one of us thinking of the same thing.

Mak to Nani: Why don't just the 2 of you go? Mak baliklah... (hmm.. I wonder how she plans to do that?)
Nani ~ Mak ngan Kak Ina je la pegi. Nani dah tengok dah Lion King... ~ (thinks in her head, still in shut down mode)
Me to Nani: Maybe you and Mak should go, maybe I'm not supposed to go on this trip. (Maybe Izham wasn't really ikhlas in letting me go?)

Then a cab came, we took it. We might not make it in time. There might not be any tickets. But it was worth a try.

12.20 am Terminal Bersepadu Selatan (TBS)

Like a scene from Amazing Race, Nani and I ran up the escalator leaving Mak behind, hoping to catch the 12.30 train. (I got semput half of the way).  There was only one counter open. At the counter, some nice Malaysians who were buying tickets for future let us pass through. We got our tickets, the bus leaves at 1.30am. Newfound fact, at TBS, they have buses up to 3am.

Taking the lift to find the waiting area, Mak asked me, "What's the name of the bus company?".
I looked at the tickets "Starmart Express" I replied.
"Tak pernah dengar pun?," Mak said.
Suddenly the only other person in the lift turned around to my Mom and said, "Macam mana boleh tak penah dengar, kita ada lebih 60 buah bas dalam rangkaian kita..... " and he went on explaining about the company to my mom's shocked+amused face. Apparently the only other person with us in the lift works for StarMart, haha, ironic isn't it? But StarMart Express saved our lives and we are indebted to them.

We sat at the chairs, waiting,  contemplating what we just went through. Alhamdulillah.

When faced with difficulties, remember Allah, be patient, try our best to find solutions, exhaust all resources then Tawakkal. If we were meant to go, then we will. If we have tried everything and yet still fail, then it just wasn't meant to be.

We boarded the bus at 2am, we're on our way to Singapore!

At the Terminal Bersepadu Selatan

Sunday, April 24, 2011

New friends, Old friends, Lost friends.

Sad happenings usually inspire me to write. Its a form of therapy for me.

I've been feeling a growing distant feeling with a friend of mine. It was just a series of things happening over a period of time. I sense that we were growing apart. I remember that feeling well because I lost a best friend once, we're like complete strangers now, like we were never friends even. I try not to think of it, but I sometimes remember and it still hurts quite a bit more than I want it to.

Things change when I got married, as things usually do. I didn't get to hang out with my friends as often and as freely as before. My husband is understanding and he does let me go out with my friends, but sometimes time does not permit or you're just too tired or lazy. If you want to keep your friends, it takes a bit of an effort to constantly stay in touch even with facebook. Especially if your friends are still single and you married.

But sometimes it is not just that. Sometimes it is a totally different thing altogether.

There are some friends that no matter how long you were separated, yet when you meet, it's like you never left. No matter how many stories that you don't know that person has gone through, you still greet them as you always have, and they, you. And no matter whatever changes that the person makes, you still see them as you were when you first got to know them. To you, they never change, they're still the same person. These friends tend to have lasting friendships, they're friends until your old age. Because in their eyes you will always be you. And because of that, these relationships tend to be very forgiving. Lets call this group of friends Group A.

There are some friends who, at one point of your life, you become completely revolved around each others lives that you cannot imagine not ever being friends with them. But time and experience changes people. It changes your perception of things. So what once held you together stronger than superglue, get detached. Then you start to realize that you don't agree much anymore or that you get upset more and more at the conversations you have. It doesn't make you as happy as much as before, you just seem to get pissed after that phone call, you feel hurt after reading that facebook comment, you feel down when they don't reply your posting or whatever little thing that seems to bug you more often than before. The slight feeling of uneasiness does not disappear easily, it lingers and grows, and every time you meet them, it gets worse. You feel like they have changed and your encounters seem to give an air of awkwardness. You find that that you have less things to talk about, because you tip toe around topics because you feel afraid you might be judged, which might as well, you are not actually really talking at all. This group of friends, I'll call them Group B.

Then there are people whom are total strangers yet the first time you meet them, you feel like you've known them all your life. Usually accidentally, these people enter your lives in such a short amount of time, but it doesn't seem to matter that you don't know this person at all, yet you enjoy their company and you want to spend more time with them. Group C.

I get wary sometimes because I don't really make friends easily, I'm quite guarded. And because of past experiences, I am afraid of letting people in so fast and feel attached to them in some way, because I keep foreseeing that it will all end soon, and I will get hurt. I guess its an automated protective response from me to keep me from getting hurt. You see, I am a person of extremes, sort of. I'm either all in or not at all. If I'm a friend, I am your bff for life, I give my all or I don't even bother. I don't do middle range. Call it clingy, smothering, whatever... I am what I am. Even in love, I don't hold back, I love unconditionally. The down part of this is, you get hurt real bad and it leaves a permanent scar. It couldn't be fixed. So if  any of my relationship goes in that direction.... I am never able to be okay with them, ever again.

I am thankful for my Group A friends. I am glad I have Group C friends.
But I sometimes wish I don't have friends from the B Group, because it hurts. Losing a friend is like having part of your life ripped out of your chest. I don't like that feeling.

We need all kinds of friends. It makes our lives richer. But take them for what they are and don't let it hinder you from living your life fully. In the end, we are all alone anyway.

Monday, April 11, 2011


Sometimes when you feel like you couldn't be happier
something happens to snap it out of you
and all of a sudden
the tears just flow
to wash it out of your eyes

Sometimes when you thought you found a place to place yourself in
then you realize
that the place is just too small
to fit you in

Sometimes you think you found a calling in what you do
yet then you realize
there's so many more capable than you

Sometimes things just happen
to remind us
this is only a temporary world
this is not Heaven or the Hereafter
so we can't really be completely happy
lest we forget.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Back in the days of TKC: House Party 1994.

I'm going to tell you about my high school.

Before continuing, I would like to state that these are MY memories from MY point of view so it may differ from any other person who might have went through the same experience.

From the age of 13, I went to an all girls boarding school in Seremban, Negeri Sembilan. The five years that I was there was an important experience that shaped a lot of the person that I am today. When everyone looks back at their own high school days, they look back in fondness of the memories but of course, it was never all sweet and honey. Going through the experience in your teenage years multiplied the emotions tenfold, it was extra in every way. That is why it is all so memorable.

Although the whole point of school is study, I don't particularly remember that part. Maybe because I was never the studious type and being in the top school in the country makes my academic achievements pale in comparison to others, therefore not worth mentioning. I remember the other experiences that are mostly outside of the classroom. The fun part. If asked what was the most valuable experience that I would hold on to in my high school years, it would probably have to do with the performances that we did for the many occasions we hosted for whatever reason may be.

All year round, there were parties. House parties, CS parties, table parties, class parties, birthday parties, dorm parties..... and then there were celebrations, Teachers day, Friendship day, OGA day, April Fools, Merdeka...... and then there are competitions, English Drama, Talentime, Sports day.... and depending on your chosen curricular activities, for me it was Police Cadets and Art Club. And all of these occasions were always presented is the grandest most spectacular scheme available. I later learned that that was where our ferocious need to excel beyond expectations in every single endeavor in our life came from.

After 3 paragraphs I figured I had to break down the story into parts. I can't squeeze 5 crazy years into 1 entry. I've put off writing about this for so long until I saw the pictures of my old school on Facebook uploaded by my ex Biology teacher, Mr Tan Hock Ann (thank you Sir, I am grateful). So for this entry I would just tell of 1 memory.

Tun Fatimah (Blue) House Party 1994.

Late one night, the fourth formers who were the party organizers came to our dorm Canna after lights out. All 30 of us first formers came down from our double decker beds to listen to our secret mission for our first ever house party. House parties are costume parties. Each house (there are four) tries to outdo the other to throw the most elaborately decorated themed party. Each dorm in the houses are given a specific theme for our costumes and we also have to come up with a performance to perform in front of the others. All this is done in secret and no other dorms are supposed to know of any one else's theme until the day of the party. Any leaked information would be forfeited (so they say).

This was all exciting stuff to me. Our given theme was - ghost and ghouls. Being someone who loves to dance, only one image popped to my head, Michael Jackson's Thriller. Through our dorm meeting discussions over late supper (air Wahi & Sugar Bun pastry from the dining hall), we decided to do a dance number involving the whole entire dorm that will be opened by a short sketch by 3 witches ala ala the Hocus Pocus movie we watched earlier during Film Show held every 2 Saturdays at Dewan Budiman. The three witches would be Irah, Oya and Ipah for their excellent acting capabilities and Chipook as the Book of Spells. The rest of us ghouls was lead by me as the choreographer along with Olin, Zureen and Sausan.

Unfortunately, it was a time before broadband and downloadable MP3s and one year before Michael Jackson's Dangerous compilation, so we couldn't get the Thriller soundtrack. We made do with what we had - Ace of Base, I Saw The Sign. Yes, laugh people (hey it was the 'in' song at that time okay). We were given a month to prepare, amidst classes, we managed to practice our routine and sew our costumes at the same time. The dorm was a horrible mess, 30 girls trying to dance in the dark aided only by corridor lights trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to piss the 5th formers studying in the lounge with our 'membadakness' (stomping). We pushed all the double decker beds together to make space. It was a feat. For me, choreographing a dance that was easy enough for everybody to follow yet cool enough for the audience was a tough challenge. I wish I had Youtube, haha, I could have done so much better.

Under the stress and pressure, fights broke out. I remember one particularly involving Irah and Ipah where I actually saw Irah literally flew accross me and Oya to attack Ipah. Its funny when I think of it now, but it was quite dramatic when it happened. I think it was something about Irah's stuff on Ipah's bed, I'm not sure. But I remember Oya's face holding a needle and thread when that happened. Priceless.

And the day came for the House Party. One of the coolest tradition for House Parties was that the fourth formers had closed off an entire flight of staircase from the fourth floor of the building and had tranformed it into a tunnel complete with slides and surprise pranks. All the people had to go through the tunnel to be presented at the end of it for the fifth formers and the rest of the house members.

I remember Sausan's black lipstick became public property as all of us tried to get ready in front of the limited mirrors at the front of the dorm. With my limited sewing skills, I decided to become Eddie Munster, a teenage werewolf from the show Munsters Today. All I needed was jeans, t shirt, a jock jacket and lots and lots of hair gel. I taped my ears and put on the makeup. I was a bit of a tomboy (hard to imagine huh?) so it was easy. I remember Olin dressed as a pretty fairy and everyone else was ghosts, zombies, vampires and such. When the time came to go through the tunnel I was actually really scared, scared of the unknown, all this was so new to me, I remember being confused at the end of the tunnel, I was going to do a howl or something but I totally forgot because I was so overwhelmed by all the eyes on me when I came out from the dark.

Then came the time for the performance. I remember the 3 witches acting was awesome. The dance, I don't know, all I remembered was I had fun dancing with my dorm mates, all 30 of us, hehe, I think we pulled it off. There was food, and the decorations and costumes were fantastic. I remember Selindang Delima (Green) house did a Disney theme and they built a ship in the lounge. It was all so impressive and overwhelming the amount of effort and detail that was put into it. And all this was done by hand by the students. I was in awe and dumbstruck and couldn't wait until I was a fourth former and it would be our turn to plan the party.

But alas, the House Party was banned when I reached Form Four, under the basis of wastage and amidst complaints that students were paying to much attention to the parties than to their studies. So when it was our turn, we were only allowed to wear our school uniforms and had a normal makan-makan. Dissapointed, yeah. but at least I got to experience it.

It was my first year in Tunku Kurshiah College and I came to love it more and more. It was the people that made the memories and my 29 dorm mates in Canna, Block C Tun Fatimah made it all worthwhile, they were my first friends in high school and we shared so much more than just a cramped fire hazard space.

To  (in bed location order), Alfieya, Sauce, Nogha, Juan, Murni, Effa, Wanie, Sheeda, Ddee, Luna, Dayang, Azah, Jaja, Zehan, Oya, Ilmi, Olin, Adel, Zureen, Nikky, Ipah, Irah, Aidah, Chikot, Chipook, Hani, Rabia, Eni and Enol..... thank you.

p/s: Any of you have the picture from that day? It'd be great if I could 'lampirkan' here, hehe...

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Things I have learned from my students so far.

I had an incredible roller coaster week.

The past 2 years have been crazy, my whole life was turned upside down ever since I started teaching.

Yesterday, I had a final presentation class with my students. This semester I gave them a project, a conceptual book that also acts as their resume as fresh graphic designers. In the book, they were supposed to design an infographics CV, a magazine interview, a catalogue and an advertisement about themselves. When I gave the project, I just thought of it as a fun way for them to learn the different layout styles.

But I got more than I asked for.

Despite struggling with a new software (Adobe InDesign) and juggling 4 to 5 other subjects with equally challenging projects, they did an AMAZING job. It was way more than I expected, they totally surprised me. But what strikes me most was during their presentation.

I was a bit pissed at first because they seemed to have forgotten a lot of details that were required in the project. I was looking at all the minute details and was starting to get all angry with their typography errors and a whole lot of other things. But slowly as I paid close attention to what they were saying, I realized something more.

They shared their experiences while explaining the infographics, and I found out a lot about their backgrounds. Most of them have worked doing various jobs before and some of them are still working. They worked at restaurants, became gas pump attendants, supermarket promoters and some were even construction workers at some point. I felt a bit unsettled. I'll explain why later.

They also had various education before coming to UNISEL, some were studying architecture, computer science, engineering and one is even a certified accountant. Most don not even have an art background. Some were from other art institutions but continued their studies in UNISEL for the financial factor. It is the cheapest private art and design program in the country, with relatively low syarat kelayakan masuk (entry requirements). This saying that the cream of the crop students would not normally choose UNISEL Art & Design program if they had a choice of other more established institutions like UiTM.

When it got to the magazine interview part of the book, where I gave them a series of questions to answer, like "Why do you want to be a graphic designer?", "What is the area of design that you are most interested in and why?, "Why should you be hired?", "Who are your influences?" and the last one was "What is your ultimate dream in life?", it got more interesting.

I observed that a tie that binds these students together is their love and passion for art. You may not see it in their work, as they are still in the learning process and as is the norm, of course some students are more skillful than others. But these students love art with a vengeance. I am in awe of this. Through their presentation I found out a lot more about them and that besides studying, they do a lot of art and design activities outside on their own. Some of them have online shops selling their own designs, some of them freelance for magazines and newspapers, some of them have their own art collective (ARUS) and whole lot of other things they do for the sake of their love for art. I find this awe inspiring.

Regardless of their age, background or which batch or class they come from, there is no such thing as seniority basis, most of my students get along well with all the other batches, something that I did not have the privilege of experiencing when I was a student. They organize events together, almost every month the Art and Design faculty of UNISEL has events and exhibitions organized by the students themselves. Just this year, we had Gunex (Gundam exhibition), Alam Selam (underwater photography exh), Screenshots A Stop in Motion (a stop motion typography and animation screening and just last Thursday was the fourth Cinemini (screening of students' animation, documentary, film, video... etc) and more to come.

And all of this while still doing their projects and assignments. I am envious of their student experience. They have a lot of opportunities and resources to do many great things that I wished I had the courage and willpower or desire 'keinginan' to do when I was a student.

I am still a new educator, but I have learned so much from my students.

Some have gone through a lot of hardships before ending up where they are now. They had to take the long winding road before finding their call in the field of art and design. These students are brave, street smart, tough and have a resilient attitude in life which I am full of respect for because I live a life full of privilege and chances and my choices in life were pretty much straightforward. I don't think that I would have been as strong as them given the same circumstances.

It started out as just a class project. I was a lecturer who was easily upset and disheartened and got mad at the many mistakes my students made. But now, I have learned to look beyond that and look at the effort of each student, at their journey from the start until the end of the program. The many mistakes they made only helps them to be that much better than before. They are still learning, and it is my responsibility as an educator to make sure they know how to learn and most importantly, to WANT to learn on their own. I learned to be patient, open to other perspectives and empathize with them. I also learned that sometimes you just need to chill, relax and laugh.

To my students, past and present, thank you so much. You have made my life a living hell yet heavenly bliss all at the same time. No matter what they say about students who study Art & Design in UNISEL, I know that these students have so much to offer the world because, hey, look what they did to me.

Date A Girl Who Reads

Raiha gave me this link she found ( thank you so much Raiha!!!) , I think it is extremely beautiful, I wanna share it too....

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

— Rosemary Urquico

There are just so many parts in it that I love, especially the last paragraph but the ayat yang

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are."

rase cam nak nangis coz it is SO TRUE.

I've never read Murakami, Yeats, Neruda and almost all of the classic references stated except maybe Alice. But I enjoy reading nonetheless. I love fairy tales, kids stories, Harry Potter & Enid Blyton. I did not get through the first chapter of the Fellowship. I like some, not all of Neil Gaiman's work, I read mostly non fiction works and the encyclopaedia is my favorite read because I can choose where and what i read about. I like stories that are magical and fantasy but happy in outlook. I am starting my own collection of local writers works like Amir Muhammad, Adibah Amin, Farish Noor, Karim Raslan, Hishamudin rais and Zurinah Hassan in my effort to know of my own country's story. My favorite writer is actually my best friend Ainul Huda and Oya when she used to blog.

So yeah, the article touched me in the way it tells of the experience of joy when reading. Although I don't know most of the references given and sometimes I do try to read the classics but I don't get them, actually, but that does not make me less of a reader.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Look What I Found : Leather, Stitches and TRON.

I'm starting this new section in my blog to share things that I found (in this case, bought, heh.)

1. Meidina purse \ RM 70 ~ Amcorp
My husband bought this for me at a shop in Amcorp which sells handbags from Korea, forgot the shop name. I thought it looked cool, kinda like Tron because of the lining and the material which I don't know what.

2. "Hermes-leather wallet" \ RM60 ~ Plaza Shah Alam
 My husband bought this for me too, haha, I was looking for a new wallet to replace the one I've been using since 2005, a Samuel & Kevin denim wallet my Art Director from CTG gave me as a gift from Hong Kong. My husband says the wallet is in such a bad state that if I threw it in the lake I would definitely pollute it. Anyway, I have never been a sucker for brand names, I liked the design of this wallet because of the styling, and the clasp has a 'H' which when can be viewed as an 'I' from the side. Either way, it is my initial Irina Hariati, heh, yeah, I have the weirdest reason for buying things. Oh, its a fake, but it looks good.

3. Brandless lace up ankle boot \ RM80 ~ Amcorp Flea Market
I've been looking for a brown lace up boot for a while, the ones I found are either too expensive or too 'embellished'. This one was just perfect and it was lined with purple velvet on the inside. It didn't have any brand which is one of the best reasons why I like it.

4. "Gucci Handbag" \ RM40 ~ Amcorp Flea Market
Yes it is a fake. The guy who sold it held a ignited lighter to it, speaking in some foreign language pretending to be Malay, but I think he was trying to say that the material doesn't burn or something like that. I liked the simple shape, its cute size and the 'neatness' of the structure. Luckily the "Gucci" brand was slightly debossed on the 'leather' and so small so you could hardly see it.

So yeah, I've got more items that I want to share. I have always had a thing for leather and stitches but I can't afford real leather so yeah, fakes rule!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Day of questions

Hot oil on the face
I'm all over the place

I put on 'bedak sejuk'
Do you think it'll work on my heart?

I left my duties
it has been a while
It's so hard to get back in rhythm
when you have strayed so far

Days go by
as does time
I am making a lot of waste

Lazyness is my desease
couple it with ignorance
or is it denial?
and this is what you get

Sometimes I do
Sometimes I don't
It is my Grid, yet I can't stick to it
so what is left is chaos
what is left is a lingering sadness of no source

I miss God
it seems I have deviated so far
I try to grasp
Inconsistencies are a bane
my efforts are menial

and it rushes over
dominoes through everything else

I need to pray
it is the only cure I know
my heart is dying

5 out of 5
it shouldn't be so hard
yet I hardly manage 2 per day

I need to find my way
I need to get there
To be among the 2 groups
The first group I think I have no chance
The 2nd group, it has less of people today
that means only a few of us can make it

But I really do not want to be from the third group
The ones the get the book from the left hand

Funny, it seems I'm doing everything to not get where I want to go

It will be any day now

That day of questions

I just want to go
underneath where rivers flow
and hear that Salam

am I worthy?
I know not

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Home Made of Dreams.

*This entry is best viewed alongside Google Image for references*

When I have a beautiful house like the one in Practical Magic (torn down after the movie) or The Le Coq D'Or Mansion aka Bok House in Jalan Ampang KL (now torn down, stupid city council), as close to the blue ocean like Maldives,
I would have....

my kitchen and dining area to look warm and wholesome like Nando's,

a mysterious library like Hogwart's,

a charming dance room with mirrors like Flashdance + Step Up,

a vintage but modern studio like the architecture firm in Cinta or the old Cenfad building,

and a bathroom as calming as the Pangkor Laut Resort Spa.

My living room sparse but cozy like British India,
furnished with the timeless furniture of Kevin Flynn's home in Tron Legacy,
Art Nouveau-esque wood carvings, grilles and furnishing like in Henry Van de Velde's house,
and white billowing curtains like the Nescafe ad featuring Nasha Aziz in the early 90s.

The bedroom would be inspired by the Victorian Gothic era + The Carnivale + Theatre/Opera house + Puteri Gunung ledang the Musical,
with the bed from Brandy The Boy is Mine music video which is actually a swing like in a hindustani movie that has drapes like the bed in Original Sin,
It would have a bewitching vanity area like Anna Sui's cosmetics counter,
Satine's boudoir in Moulin Rouge would be my sexy walk in closet filled with clothes like T-Joue, handbags like Kate Spade and shoes from Nine West and of course, anything designed by Rizalman Ibrahim.

And for the exterior part....

Labyrinth movie + Secret Garden book + Alice in Wonderland (book & movie) would be the inspiration for the wonder of my garden,
The view ethereal like in the film Mamma Mia + Rivendell in Lord of the Rings,
A peaceful inner courtyard like Al Hambra, Granada, Spain,
A romantic balcony like in Verona Italy in Romeo and Juliet,
A private lookout tower like Istana Seri Menanti,
A praying area in the likes of the floating mosque in Jeddah or Kuala Terengganu,
The enchanting corridors and hallways of Bangunan Keretapi Tanah Melayu + Bangunan Sultan Abdul samad,
With big old trees lining the driveway like Taiping in Yasmin Ahmad's movies or in those old Dunhill TV ads where the black expensive car swooshes by and scatters the dry leaves,
and a cool tranquil barbeque pit like in Sek San's Sekeping Serendah.

And all the places and spaces and places would be filled with unforgettably beautiful memories shared with people that I love and care about.

I originally began my blog as a place where I can freely wander in my imagination. I've had a wonderful trip, I hope you had too. Good night.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Fireworks, Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

live. die.

There are times when I wish I wasn't me.
I'm too scared to live, yet too afraid to die at the same time.