Day of questions

Hot oil on the face
I'm all over the place

I put on 'bedak sejuk'
Do you think it'll work on my heart?

I left my duties
it has been a while
It's so hard to get back in rhythm
when you have strayed so far

Days go by
as does time
I am making a lot of waste

Lazyness is my desease
couple it with ignorance
or is it denial?
and this is what you get

Sometimes I do
Sometimes I don't
It is my Grid, yet I can't stick to it
so what is left is chaos
what is left is a lingering sadness of no source

I miss God
it seems I have deviated so far
I try to grasp
Inconsistencies are a bane
my efforts are menial

and it rushes over
dominoes through everything else

I need to pray
it is the only cure I know
my heart is dying

5 out of 5
it shouldn't be so hard
yet I hardly manage 2 per day

I need to find my way
I need to get there
To be among the 2 groups
The first group I think I have no chance
The 2nd group, it has less of people today
that means only a few of us can make it

But I really do not want to be from the third group
The ones the get the book from the left hand

Funny, it seems I'm doing everything to not get where I want to go

It will be any day now

That day of questions

I just want to go
underneath where rivers flow
and hear that Salam

am I worthy?
I know not