Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I lost my temper in class the other day. I really lost it. Was so angry, my entire body felt so hot and I shook uncontrollably. I had to leave the class before a student gets injured.

I regretted it. Remembering what happened, I still feel my anger building up. My eyes feel hot and watery again, I could scream.

It wasn't just anger. It was a combination of anger, frustration and disappointment. Of the highest kind. I still don't know how to handle that feeling.

I love design and and even more, I love teaching design. Especially this semester, when I got to teach all my favourite subjects.

But it KILLS ME. Literally KILLS ME, when students don't show up, even more, when they don't even show the slightest interest in design. I share as much of what I've learned and experienced, preparing my own notes that have been simplified to the bare minimum in order to help my students understand or at least inspire them to learn and want to know more about design.

I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. How can they be so indifferent? So disinterested?

I'm sad to see such level of loathsome. I'm angry to see such profound laziness. I'm disappointed that i don't get to see even a slightest bit of PASSION, of ENTHUSIASM or even of INTEREST in the students. It saddens me and it kills me.

I wish I could teach students who really want to learn, who really want to be here. Students who genuinely believe that an education in design will somehow be of some value to them.

Its frustrating and downright depressing. And they ruin the industry. Just because they don't care. Maybe I'll just sell keropok lekor. On an island. In Terengganu.

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