Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Inevitably and Irrevocably.

I am addicted to mindmaps. I mindmap everything, my lessons, my plans, my life.... it works well with the way my brain functions. Awhile back, my friend Rozarina after reading The Secret started on a vision poster craze and invited me to join the frenzy. Basically the simple rule is that if you want something (your life) to be a certain way, you ask for it bad enough and the cosmos will align itself to suit your needs and fulfill your wish. Translation, to me, its like, we pray really hard for something and God will grant it. I wanted to make my own vision poster so, as usual, I started with a mindmap.

I mindmapped my dream life, my dream home, my dream job.... and true enough, some of it came true, Alhamdulillah. I got a job that fits all the description of my dream job in my mindmap, although i never specified what the job really was.

I just entered a new relationship. With Encik Izham Aris. My colleague who sits next to me. Hehe, ironic isn't it? There wasn't any flirting or courting whatsoever, we've never been on a date even. He was in a relationship with a wonderful person. Yes, to the unknowing, it would just mean one thing, I am the office bitch who stole someone else's boyfriend. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I was actually wooing someone else, anyone who follows my blog, would probably notice that I had an infatuation with another person, haha, bt that is not the story here.

But as my friend Enol would put it, when God wants something to happen, He can make it happen really fast and easy, even though it seems impossible. 2 weeks. That was all it took. Everything just fell into place with ease. From being just good friends to soon to be married. How? Well, I asked him to marry me, twice. In 2 languages. First time was during the King's birthday and the second time was that following Saturday. He said yes last Sunday, finally.

The story sounds cold doesn't it?

Is it rebound? You ask. Yes, I just got out of a 6 year relationship which I ended last February and only really got over it last August, the day he graduated. He is happy with someone else now and I know that she is better for him than I ever could be. And that is all I could wish for.

Isn't it too early? too fast? Are u sure?

So many questions to consider when you are thinking of getting married. But when the time comes.... Blaaaghhhh!!! All the questions just disappear and well, you just know.

Izham Aris. I have no idea how we came to be. I did not see this coming. I wasn't even trying. I'm sorry if this doesn't sound romantic at all. You were a good friend. The more we spoke to each other, the more we realized how much we are alike and how we believe in the same things and want the same things. Soulmates. But as you said, its rare to find your soulmate in this lifetime, and even when you do, it does not mean that you'll end up together. I still cannot explain how it all happened. I, Irina, the maestro of words usually, am at loss for words to explain this phenomena. I still can't, even if i tried. This does not make any sense I know.

Encik Izham, you broke every wall I have ever built around myself to keep myself from harm, from hurt.

I have a mindmap of my dream partner. As Enol is my witness, she has listened to the tales of this imaginary guy I conjured. Haha. The perfect guy. There is no perfect guy in this world, yes. But this maginary person, I build him up in my head to be so perfect that it is impossible that such a person could exist. But that is exactly why I created this person. If he is perfect, then he doesn't exist. And if he doesn't exist, I will never be broken hearted. My Amas Veritas. (Practical Magic, spell for true love)

I was looking for this mindmap I did, to see if Izham fits any of the description of my perfect guy. Because ironically, magically, he does. Even down to the little mangarut details. But when I finally found the mindmap, this is what I had actually written; "My husband, yang terbaik untukku, dr Allah, Maha Mengetahui, teman yang membahagiakan."

I never actually wrote about my dream guy in my mindmap. I talked about him a lot. So much so that I really thought I must have written about him somewhere. But when the time came to map it, I just left everything up to God. The best from HIM, for me. And that was all.

And that is why, Izham Aris, I am not able to express why or what it is I feel about you even though I may be the most expressive person to most people. I cannot explain to my friends or to my readers even, how it all happened. Only those who bear witness to the events would know and understand why things happened the way they did. How God's plan fall into place at the right time and the right place.

Izham Aris, I don't know what challenges lie ahead, and I don't know if I'm able to face it. But I do know one thing for sure. How I became sure of it, I have no idea. I want to spend my lifetime with you, the good, the bad, the ugly, I want to share it with you. And my answer is yes.

Only one thing is true. Allah. And He is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Yang Mengatur segala sesuatu. "Only Thee we worship, and only from Thee we ask for help. Please show us the right path. The path of those whom Thou hast favoured, not of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray." (Al Fatiha)


hazzy said...

i'm happy for you, and i hope you and Mr. Izham will last forever.

even if it means my friend's heart, hopes and dreams for Mr. Izham is officially shattered.

but as how you put it, Allah has His own mysterious way of laying down things before us. so congrats again :)

malissa said...

i don't know what to say, and apparently, i only want to comment on this post..

u see, as someone who has felt how it feels to have someone taken away by another, u can imagine that i can't actually agree when u say in a way 'its god's will'..

I'm sorry, but in everything we want to do or we want in life, tuhan tentukan tapi kita yang usahakan.. right?

so, if i'm understanding your post right, then you may have come across to me as a very proud lady with your doings..

i'm not angry nor mad, coz i am believer of karma, and i've got a silver lining upon my own bad experience, and i sure hope the other girl will find a better guy that deserves her..

i'm just writing because i would like to correct the opinions of others reading your post by saying, its definitely not god's will that people keep on breaking other people's relationship, regardless on misunderstandings or whatever excuses that people say to get away with their actions..

There are right and wrong to things and i hope they know which one is which, and only humans can bring themselves to cause other people's misery..

and I think, as muslim, you know better than to bring His will in this context, as you should also know that the forbidden act 'memutuskan silaturrahim' extends to bonded relationship..

ironic, isn't it?! :)

ainul said...

takpe irina, asalkan kau dan izham tahu, kalian berdua memang tak berniat nak melukakan hati sesiapa, Insya Allah.. semuanya akan baik.. there are more to it then an entry of a blog can tell, or a thousands words in fact.. kan? :-)
dan aku sebagai pemerhati tetap bagaimana semua ini berlaku.. I only want to say this; Alhamdullilah..

Dani said...

i don't tend to agree with malissa in some aspect. kita merancang and mengusahakan but God will decide. Yes it is true but do not put it in a context of one person is at fault. as i see it kita tak bertepuk sebelah tangan, and coming from a guy, when a guy enters into a relationship while he is still in an existing relationship it means that prior relationship is virtually over for whatever reasons. no love lost there lady.
if the new relationship succeeds to the end in example marriage then it is truly God's will that the relationship succeeds.

greenarts_media said...

Alhamdulillah.segala pujian bg Yang Maha Esa..memakbulkan doa insan yg inginkan kebahagiaan..sesuatu yg terungkap lahir dari hati yang ikhlas suci murni..ikatan kasih sayang..Ya Allah, ku doakan kebahagiaan sahabatku ini..

Milla yang gumbira..
Goooo Irin ;)