The Train Ride

I wrote this while on a komuter heading to Subang Jaya from Rawang on 21st July 2008.

I don’t have nice sketchbooks. Most designers I know have beautiful sketchbooks. I always have something to write on with me. Usually designers sketch a lot; they’re very visual by nature. I have lots and lots of notebooks filled with more words than pictures. I’m just more comfortable this way.

I take trains a lot too. Train rides are long and it always gives the right mood for writing. I live in my head most of the time. Train rides are perfect opportunity to get lost in your head. Amidst strangers with funny smells and funnier looks.

The clouds are grey. It’s going to rain soon. Rainy train rides on Monday afternoons.

Beautiful Places with Beautiful Colours.

I like to pretend. Pretend I’m someone else, in a different place doing different things. What kind of life would I like to lead?

I want a lot of things. I think everyone wishes for things. Ultimately, everyone wants to be happy, I think.

I want to live in a place with a beautiful view. Somewhere really high or by the sea. I want to travel the world and experience different lives. I want to be inspired and inspire others as well. I want to write or produce something, anything that involves the sharing of many stories. Mine and others.

I don’t know, sometimes I feel like writing, sometimes drawing, most of the time singing and dancing. I love movies and music. They give you all of that sensation, seeing, hearing, moving. I can just get lost in it.

I wish there was someone, who could share these experiences with me. Someone who shares the same sensations that I do in these experiences. Or at least be able to talk about it really well, making it an experience in itself. Its like a friend once said (yeah enol, its you), someone who understands to be silent when your favorite song is on the air and lets you enjoy that moment, even in the middle of a conversation.

Maybe its just wishful thinking. I sure hope not. Hopeless romantic am I? Maybe it doesn’t happen often. I don’t know, maybe I do have a rose tinted view on what love is. It is a connection, an invisible communication between 2 people. I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m being unrealistic maybe? Most marriages are horrible, I take it? Maybe the love I’m hoping for can only happen in heaven. In this world, its God’s way of saying “there is no greater love than Mine.” Or “you’re all screwed, but be good, I’ll give you the big prize at the end if you manage to survive all this crap without screwing yourselves in the process.”

So in essence, to find love, to find happiness, we must learn to love God in all his manifestations. It is not easy, but it is not hard either. You just have to have faith. And believe unconditionally.

One ugly thing I hate to see when on train rides are the dirty rivers. We are a filthy country. There’s trash everywhere. It’s disgusting.

I don’t want to work in KL. So much time is wasted with just doing nothing. Just waiting. Waiting for transport. Waiting for people on transport. Waiting to transport people. I want to work far away, in another state or country maybe. Where the food is cheap and the air is fresher and the skies are blue and the water clear. KL is so dirty. Dirty place, dirty people with dirty hands and dirty minds. Yeah, sure, I can’t handle stress. Really? I call this stress unnecessary. Why should I choose to face this stress? There are always options. You choose.

Uplift Happy Soul.

Work – doing things I love. Having choices/ say/ power on how a thing goes. Work with time for inspiration, love, travel and self. Constant learning environment. Time to think. Time to decide. Time to have fun. Cooking, reading, dancing and traveling. Time to do what you love, including work.

I’m just killing time; I’ve been here in KL sentral for 2 hours. I couldn’t get on the train. Was packed so tight. Actually, just some inconsiderate people who don’t understand what “move to the middle of the car” means. Idiotic idiots who don’t understand the courtesy of using public transport.

Beautiful things. I want to make beautiful things.

Maldives. Just far away from this constant chaos. I can’t handle chaos. Heck, the name Irina means Peaceful. Go figure. Doesn’t look like I can get on the train anytime soon. Jostling shoving people. It sucks to be short. I could get a panic attack thinking I cannot breathe and might die amidst the evening smell of the KL masses. Why would anyone want to live in the city? I have no idea.

I love the book Secret Garden. It’s something about secret spaces where magic happens. Space where you can just get lost in your own world. I need a person who understands that. An understanding of why certain things had to be done a certain way or at least be able to argue intelligently about it. Intelligence is a rare quality. Sorry, I meant to be rude. I can’t find people who could hold my interest for long. People are boring. Or I’m just a skeptic.

I have watched 4 trains pass. I can’t get in. I don’t want to. This is crazy! How the hell am I getting home? Should I go to the other side so I could board the train 2 stations before? Or just waste this ticket and get on the LRT instead?

The people are getting more and more. Why can’t they have more trains during peak hours? Or at least add more cars to the train? Why can’t the idiot in charge and his team think up of a solution to this ever occurring problem? 5 trains. Tunggulah lagi.

I live in a country run by stupid people. Product of a stupid educational system that produces stupid people. Am I right? Or am I being over cynical? The people here prefer to bear with the problems and have no initiative or creativity or innovation whatsoever to think up of solutions to problems as soon as possible. Even the people responsible think that other people are responsible to fix the problems they created in the first place. Nobody cares to fix it. This country is run by idiots. The systems are archaic!!!

Failed Systems Run By Idiots.

Everything doesn’t work. Nobody has any idea to manage all these careless people. Stupid careless people who don’t care to clean their own shit and expect others to clean it up for them.