Sunday, September 16, 2007

voyeuristic tendencies

i like looking at other people's pictures. Sometimes i wish it was me in those pics. having those happy memories. this fetish further fed by friendster enabling me a glimpse into other's experiences. Some of them I know, some i used to know, some i thought i knew, some i wish i had known.

pictures tell of places and time. experiences. people. friends. family. love.

pictures tell of what others have. And i have not.

selfish girl.

invisible as always.

never a matter of importance to anyone.

the people whom i thought are most important, most special to me, have other people more important and special to them.

it feels strange. never belonging to anyone or anywhere or anyplace.

a meaningless soul wandering slowly through time. never fitting in.

the awkward shape that juts out of place.

What does it feel like, to be a part of something? a real part of something?

not just a fleeting piece. but one that actually sticks and crumble alike.

In a sea of people, how can i feel so alone?

I surrender my all to you God. I am yours. And yours only.
Please have a place for me near you, though i may not deserve it.
You are my creator and to you i return and hope i belong. I'm sorry i can't fit in this world. I honestly do not know how. They speak a different language, they dance to a different beat, they see and feel in ways that are alien to me.

i just want to be normal. like the rest of them, in those pictures that i like to see.


Anonymous said...

kagum.kreatif betul tulisan anda.

*shafik surkery*

thinker bell said...

woman, i dont see u not fitting in . at all. time and space are 2 limited variables. or perhaps funding too. frankly, dont feel left out. i know u arent.

everybody envies everyone else. hey, i envy u for pursuing education. and enjoying yippie yippa student life.

anyway, nak join me for anything? :D

Nadrul Shaqman said...

link me!link me!
though my blogs are mostly junks..more-pics-than-words kind of blog.My brain hurts when i think.I'm a sloth.

sharkpitt said...

sayang this is suria's url:
suria punya you tak you url lama dia