Friday, April 27, 2007

Harry and I

The place he hates most is the safest place for him. The Dursley’s are his worst nightmare. They abuse him mentally, physically and spiritually. He is undernourished with no company. He has no one there who cares for him. He hates Dumbledore for making him stay there and he doesn’t understand why he has to stay. But that is the only place where he is safe from his worst enemy Voldemort. There, Voldemort can’t get him. Voldemort can’t kill him if he is in the Dursley’s house.

I just realized how much I’m like Harry. I hate it here in this house. No one here cares. There is no proper food. I’m alone in my room most of the time crying, writing, and sleeping. At least he has Hedwig. I don’t even have a means of telecommunication. My phone is broken and there’s no internet whatsoever. I can go crazy by myself here. And Carmen is bad company. But I’m safe here. There’s a reason why God put me here in this house in Shah Alam. I asked to be saved many times before from this hell. Truth is, I am saved, and that’s why I’m here. I’m safe here where the only thing to hurt me is myself. If I were somewhere else, I’d be worse. I’d be a whore. A slut. A bohsia. If I were somewhere else, I would be that person who is an alcoholic, is promiscuous and doing drugs. I’d probably be sleeping in drains and sidewalks. I’d be the one who threw her newborn baby in the trash. Sell my body for cash. All the evils are Voldemort. And it could kill me. Because I would do those things.

Harry and Voldemort are alike in many ways. What differentiates them are their choices.

I am saved because none of my friends ever invited me to do vice. Even if sometimes I do wish I could try some, a bit. But I have never had any access to any of it. The only guy I ever known who is the only person to be my boyfriend is Shafik. If it wasn’t him, I’d be banged up and pregnant now. I have no other guys who could be my boyfriend. I rarely meet people and none of them even came close to being anything near to a boyfriend. I don’t smoke, drink or have sex. Not really because I don’t want to. I’ve never had a chance to make a choice even. I am protected without me really knowing it. Given the chance, I would try it. Dumbledore knows that.

The only other place where Dumbledore trusts Harry to be safe is the Weasleys. Enol’s family is the Weasley’s to me. It is a sanctuary and haven for me. And where I eat proper food. And Enol is Ron. Enough said. But of course, I can’t stay there.

Then there is school. For Harry its Hogwarts, for me it’s UiTM. I love being in school. Harry learns magic. My magic is called Art and Design. Which is something I do and love. I may not be the best student but this is where I belong.
And there are friends. Nadiah is Hermione, she helps me with my homework. So is Rozarina, she gets me out of trouble and she’s the one with brilliant ideas. The others from Gryffindor. There’s Muzamir, Shahnim, Sarvi, Maryam, Azhar, Muhammad, Effa and many many more which makes the experience worthwhile. And the lecturers are really great. Dr Kamy. En Ramli, En Omar, En Sharkawi, Mr Ronaldi, Prof Tamyez, Babe……. Fortunately there isn’t a Snape, haha.

I hate it here but I’m safe here. I’ve had attacks from Dementors (org jahat masuk rumah) trying to hurt me but I survived it. This is not a good condition for me but elsewhere it’d be worse.

If Harry has Sirius Black, Pie is my Sirius. She’s the one with the wisdom because she’s out there living it. She faced a lot of evils and challenges before. She’s the strong one with a lot of experience which makes her more mature than me in many ways. Which also makes me a baggage to her somehow? And someday, Harry will lose Sirius. Though I hope that would never happen but things do change. Gee is Lupin.

My point of the story is, although I hate it here, this is the one place that I am safe. Safe from being someone else I could’ve been if I’m not here. I didn’t get it before, now I do. Why am I alone? Ultimately we are all alone in this world. God put me here for a reason. He is protecting me. But one day, I will have to face Voldemort. And I hope by then, I am strong enough to make the right choices.

P/s: if none of this makes sense to you, I suggest you pick up the book and read it. It’s more than just a story, it’s life. Thank you JK Rowling.

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