Wailings of The One With The Tummy
(2007 resolution for my body and I)
AAAHHH….. lunch hour. Haven’t posted for quite sumtime coz the company’s ibook is back in its rightful hands (not mine). Lunch was lousy. The food was okay. Just that I had to force myself to stop eating halfway and just having to watch the other half go to waste along with my money. It is sooooooo sad. Not to mention bad coz wasting is the satan’s way.
Truth is, I’m on a forced diet. I don’t really eat banyak pun before. Normal, same as everyone else la. I finish what’s on my plate. Unfortunately I’m blessed with 2 genetically defect sifat which is 1st, I’m short, and 2nd, I have very low metabolism. Therefore to maintain a normal BMI count which is 45-47kg to my 150 cm (5ft) height, I have to eat less than everyone else.
I’m built small rightfully; it’s just that I’m surrounded with people who are taller than me with higher metabolism who need to eat more, so I eat like them. And more during festivities. My mom’s an excellent cook and she whips up a storm and if I don’t eat what she makes, I’ll be condemned to hell, which is not something I want even if I have the body of Jessica Alba.
I really hate to waste but this is really an urgent state. I weigh 64 kilos. That’s like borderline to being obese. That’s dangerous. Like my boyfriend Shafik (whom I hope loves me no matter how) says, he doesn’t want me to be thin, he just doesn’t want me to get a heart attack. I don’t want to be thin, NOOOOOO!!! I like girls than can be squeezed but not break. But lately the shortness of breath and the pain caused by my bras and jeans coz they’re too tight is literally killing me. And since I have no money to get new bras and jeans (they’re expensive in my size), the logical thing to do is try to lose weight.
Yes, exercise. Unlike people with cars, I take the public transport which requires me to walk a distance to school and to the office. So yes, I am not a lazy bum. Some exercises don’t work as effective as others. I hardly sweat after 2 rounds of jogging at Tasik Subang (its big okay). After 3 months of jogging every single day, 5 rounds each day with training by Mr Shafik, I hardly lost much weight. That was before the tebuan accident happened.
Dance. I joined a hip hop dance class at sunway. Once a week, 1 hour each class, took me less than 5 minutes to sweat. It was way waaaay more fun than jogging, seriously. After a month, people start noticing I lost weight. Unfortunately pulak, I got no transport and money to continue the classes, so back to square 1. (in case ur wondering, NO, dancing by yourself with your own steps don’t really work unless you’re a great choreographer)
As really desperate measures are needed. I’ve now come up with a new exercise routine. I walk and run the flight of stairs at my apartment from the 5th floor to the 10th. I do it repeatedly until 30 mins. Then I head to my room to do crunches and leg lifts. It is safer and you don’t need anything. The problem pulak I need more than 1 hour to recuperate cos it’s really tiring.
Hmmm…. My never ending battle with my tummy. I used to think I was okay. Plump but okay. Bt now I’m really fat. And it’s too late before I realized it. My tummy is as big as my boobs! And it aint attractive! And as a friend who believes in the power of attraction. Life is hard when ur not. I know, I’ve lived both ways. And it certainly was better when I looked okay. Human nature loves beauty. They react differently towards it. It’s tried and tested. I am my own experiment.
So despite me hating to wear make up. I have to wear it now. People are nicer to me when I do. Funny, but its true. You don’t live alone in the world and you have to face a lot of people everyday. It’d be less hell if they’re nicer. So yes, it does matter what other people think. They are the majority. But so leceh la, having to reapply and dab excess oil la what not. How to pray ma???? Aiya so much trouble one…
While other 25 year old females are trying to adapt to being called “Kak” by over the counter people, I’m already being called “makcik” and “puan”. Shit. A situation made worse when u wear tudung and specs. Not only are you unnoticeable from half of the population, you look like the worse half of the half.
SO FOR THE YEAR 2007
I vow to try to make an effort to look more attractive so others won’t be so irked by my appearance and want to treat me badly. To try and lose 20 kilos so on my wedding day, I won’t be mistaken to be the groom’s aunt. To watch what I eat and ignore people’s comment on how little I eat (except during kenduri, because it’s rude not to tambah when your host asks u to) because they are not ketot.
P/s: dont be fooled by the picture. That was raya. I had make up on and sans my specs and tudung. Thats not how I normally look like. I was thinking I shud put up a pic of how a normal irin looks like. Bt cant find the digital file now. haha, bukan tak berani ye..... soon folks soon....
a fall salad...
20 hours ago